WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH

EP #40

 

“Do I need a life coach?” You’re listening to Episode 40, with Rhiannon Bush

 

Welcome to the Do I need a life coach? Podcast. We’re here to discuss the ins- and outs- of the life coaching industry and give you tools to use, to see for yourself. I’m your host, Rhiannon Bush. Mother, management consultant and a passionate, certified life coach.

 

 

One of the hardest things to deal with and remember, especially when you’re doing things, you don’t enjoy, is that what you’re doing is actually making a difference, and on some level working. This was something I had to tap into for the first time when it came to sales. I was in a sales role, where some days I was making over 100 calls a day, and instead of having a role or a business, where I had multiple hats to wear, and was responsible for multiple things, one of the reasons I took the role in sales was because it gave me an opportunity to focus on, and hone, one skill.

 

I’ve always wanted to be very good at one thing, or a few things, and be passionate about those things instead of being able to be malleable and able to be placed into multiple things which, in entry-level corporate positions, you often need to be.

 

As a child, I was very fortunate to grow up in a home where parents gave me many opportunities, and I did many things. I got to water ski and snowboard and have horses and play piano, I was and still am really, very privileged. And one of the lessons I was able to get as I grew older, was that it’s amazing having such a broad exposure to different things to find what you love and be adaptable, and having a skill set that gives you options, but long-term what I actually desire and wanted – past and future tense, was / is to be very good at something that I could know in and out, charge a lot of money for, something I could specialise in and learn ongoingly because I loved it, and have a really large impact for others and myself in that thing. Cue Coaching.

 

So fast forward to my career, now in my mid 30s, and it took a long time in my 20s for me to find that thing. And let’s be honest, some people never find it. Some people are in their 50s 60s or older and still don’t really know what it is that they want to contribute or how they want to contribute. And this is the opportunity of working with a coach like me.  You get an opportunity, wherever you’re at - whether it’s early in your career or late in your career, or your career hasn’t even started yet, to really get strategic ahead of time about what it is you want as you work your way through life. You may want to be a generalist at work and climb the ladder and also want to be something very specific at home. You may want to live a bachelor lifestyle and have fun with that and be awesome at that. You may want to be a parent. You may want to start a charity. It doesn’t have to be about work specifically but it’s good to consider things at a time you have the ability to change them.

 

I was talking to a new friend of mine recently about what it means to me to be a successful parent. And for me it really boils down to two things. The first is that I am responsible for my children safety. Their physical safety, psychological safety, emotional safety, and spiritual safety. I also, to the best of my ability, want my children to trust themselves and make up their own mind about things while yes, taking into consideration their environment and the opinions of others and information that they have, but fundamentally I want them to determine how they feel about something and act accordingly. My new friend turned around and said “I'm not sure many people consider that. What success looks like for them as a parent”.

 

What I see happens all the time, particularly with clients I work with, is that people grow older, and older, and life passes on by, and they haven’t taken a moment to go, “what do I actually want?” and “how do I need to navigate the next few months, years, decades to be that thing?” And then I get there, and it's this feeling of frustration, and waste, and regret, because there was no forethought.

 

I was talking to a different friend of mine recently and he was just adamant that there's no such thing as regret, you just need to change something and make a different decision. And my argument to that, is that by the time you regret something, you regret it because you have an inability to change it. You can no longer turn back the clock to make a different decision. That, to me, is regret. And I am determined to do everything in my power, to not feel that thing. Will I? Possibly. But again, I'm not going to know that until I get there, right?!

 

There’s this overnight success thing that our culture is very attracted to, but I’ve heard the Usain Bolt talk about his training schedule on Christmas and New Years’ Eve. On those days, he trains twice because he knows that other people will most likely be having the day off. And what I’m learning is that commitment to one thing or a few things, to become very good at them, requires a multitude of factors.  Those factors may be different for everybody – it may be passion, it maybe purpose. The difference between these two I define as purpose is impacting something larger than yourself. Passion is intrinsic, purpose is beyond yourself and your desires.  Other factors may be resilience.

 

If you, like me want to be good at something or you just love something so much you keep doing it and you want to keep doing it, finding those factors that keep you working towards it and on it and not being in such a rush to get to the end but enjoying the journey, is important. Because whatever it is , it is going to require you having stickability. Which is really hard when you’re not passionate, or motivated, or you’re just struggling to remember why it is you started down that path in the first place.

 

Most of my SYS6 sales coaching program was centred around mindset. And to be honest, sales mindset was the difference between somebody being successful in not only the coaching program but in sales, versus someone who found that sales burnt them out.

 

This is the mindset I had to adopt myself to be successful in sales when I was in that role. Part of it is the true and honest belief that what you’re doing is making a difference, whether you see the result now or whether you see the result later.

 

It’s like the marshmallow test with five-year-olds - putting a marshmallow in front of them and saying “you can have that marshmallow right now, but if you wait, five minutes, I will give you a second marshmallow” and seeing how they behave and what they do. So we often have a need for instant gratification and immediate results.  I will, hand-on-heart admit that I love and sometimes need instant gratification. I can honestly say that's where I haven't seen the results that I want in my life, it's because I’ve lacked stickability and I have given into either temptation or instant gratification. I like to see results, and I like to see them instantly. I’m very attracted to instant gratification. And it's one of the hardest things to overcome when you feel like you're slogging it out, you're expelling a lot of energy doing things and working hard, and those results aren't coming to fruition.

 

And this is why mindset, whether it be in sales, or your work, or at home, or with relationships, or trying to get anything that you want, or achieve any goal... Is so so important, because the work you're putting in will pay off at some point. And to keep believing in that on your 34th time in rehab, or your 112th ‘no’ in sales calls, or your rejection from job applications, or dating people who you just don’t seem to gel with… your mindset is what will get you through.

 

The hard part, is not knowing when. Because if you knew when, you could relax and breathe easy. If you knew when, you could conserve your energy for the main event. And to let you in on a secret, if you can bring the energy you feel, when you already have the thing, or have achieved the thing… even when actually haven't… not only are you going to be much happier each and every day, or content or calm or put in whatever good word, positive emotion, in there that you choose or would like more of, but you will get those results that much faster because you’ve got that positive energy flowing through you and you're enjoying yourself which makes you that much more attractive.  Opposed to the stress ball, slogging it out, frustrated human because the world isn't giving you what you're working towards, faster.

 

It's a massive juxtaposition, and it's so hard to understand until you try and put it in practise and actually get the result. It's like when you meet the love of your life, is often at a time when you are the most happy and content by yourself. Enjoying your own company, happy being alone, doing things, living it up. When you are truly content with that, your perfect ideal other human will walk through the door. Believe me I know! I hated for years that I was single. I felt left on the shelf, I felt like no one was going to love me. A great girlfriend of mine said to me once “Rhi, he is coming as fast as he can”. So while I “waited”, I did a tonne of work on myself, I had life coaches during my qualification and I really did some inner work, and right at the time when I was travelling and I was happy and I was really truly embracing my age and where I was in my life, I met Damien. Game over. And I remember after we'd been dating for about four months, falling in the Netflix hole all day, I was watching Lucifer of all things, and that day I spent mourning my single life. Because part of me knew it was over.
 

The second you let go of getting those sales results, people say yes.  Why? Because they don't feel pressured by you. Because they like your energy. They’re actually buying you, not the thing you’re selling, so they are attracted to you. Are you getting it? It's a huge mind blow to not only hear what I'm saying but actually integrate this, and this is why you work with a life coach. To work on this very thing and get the support and recalibration as you go.

 

Another things that’s important to remember, is that if you can have stickability, and you can bring yourself back to why you started in the first place and even if you don’t feel the feelings of passion or purpose or a drive anymore, if the spark died or whatever it was that ignited you to go that extra mile, beyond being paid, or having new clients, or doing the thing you want to do… if you can just keep going, and remember that every single step you make is putting energy into the world and that that work you’ve been doing  will come back and reward you. It just may not be right now.

 

Somebody once described faith to me what you have, when there is nothing else you can do, and I think that's the perfect way to sum up stickability. Stickability is having faith. It's having faith that the work you put in will come back to you. That what you put out you get back. It's having faith strongly enough to keep going, even when the chips are down, even when you’re back’s up against the wall and you don't want to, even when you're tired. I believe that having faith is the hardest part because everything else is in your control.

 

When the going gets tough, when the chips are down, when you aren’t seeing the results of the work you’re putting in, whether it be days, weeks, months, years… it’s having that ability to keep going, to keep fighting, and, despite all of the feelings of dejection, frustration, anger, sadness, to ask for help you need to overcome the hurdle and keep moving forward.

 

Hang in there! Remember why you started, take one step at a time and keep going.

I’ll see you next week.

 

 

 

Hey! Before you go, I always find reviews really helpful when looking for new information or insights…

 

I you’ve found this podcast valuable, please take a minute to write a quick review about what you’ve found most beneficial for you, so other people can benefit from your insights, and listen in too. I would LOVE that!

Also, if there are any topics you’d like me to cover specifically about life coaching or the life coaching industry, visit rhiannonbush.com to contact me. Thanks for joining and I’ll see you in the next episode of Do I Need A Life Coach?!

 

 

Please note, this transcription may not be exact.