You Already Have All You Need

EP #3

 

“Do I need a life coach?” You’re listening to Episode 3, with Rhiannon Bush

 

Welcome to the Do I need a life coach? Podcast. We’re here to discuss the ins- and outs- of the life coaching industry and give you tools to use, to see for yourself. I’m your host, Rhiannon Bush. Mother, management consultant and a passionate, certified life coach.

 

Today I want to do some self-exploration with you. I’m going to be asking some questions for you to ponder to come up with your own answers and for you to see where it lands. We will do a little meditation exercise later so if you’re listening to this while driving, operating any kind of machinery or are somewhere where you can’t be still, be prepared to pause this and pick it back up when you’re somewhere where you can be still.

 

Nowhere you land is right or wrong. No answer is off limits and I implore you to be 100% honest with yourself. This is just for you to take time to sit with the questions, consider the answers to yourself and to observe the answers that mentally appear.

 

Take the opportunity to write it down if you wish but to come up with your own answers – unobstructed, unjudged and completely candid.

 

Are you ready?

 

If I ask you think about a problem you’re facing right now, or is there something stealing your energy – for example you think about it a lot each day, or… if you think about your life and there’s something that isn’t quite the way you’d like it to be… health, weight loss, relationships, fitness, career… whatever it may be… the question I’d like to ask you is do you believe you’ve you’ve got what it takes to change it? 

 

It’s a pretty simple question and immediately your subconscious will answer the question for you. You would’ve thought to yourself “yes” or “no”.

 

If the answer’s ”yes”, my next question is then why is it still a problem? Or why is it still stealing your energy?

 

Or, if the answer is “no” I’d like to offer that you’re wrong and that you’ve got everything you need, right now, inside of you.

 

Whether this is true or not, it’s the belief that generates the power. For example, I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to be ”skinny”. My definition of “skinny” is not how I would describe myself. It never has been. I used to use that as self-deprecation. I now say it factually and healthily with an emotion detachment.

 

When I was working with a coach for weight loss, I realised that I thought being skinny would solve all the other ”problems” I perceived I had in my life. Being skinny was going to solve it all – finding the love of my life, having my dream career, etc. etc.

 

Through working with a coach, I had the space to see that actually, if I was to ever be skinny, as I defined it, the things I would have to have given up to be “skinny” wouldn’t actually, at that point in my life been worth it.

 

Whether this is true or not, it’s the belief that generates the power. For example, I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to be ”skinny”. My definition of “skinny” is not how I would describe myself. It never has been. I used to use that as self-deprecation. I now say it factually and healthily with an emotion detachment.

 

When I was working with a coach for weight loss, I realised that I thought being skinny would solve all the other ”problems” I perceived I had in my life. Being skinny was going to solve it all – finding the love of my life, having my dream career, etc. etc.

 

Through working with a coach, I had the space to see that actually, if I was to ever be skinny, as I defined it, the things I would have to have given up to be “skinny” wouldn’t actually, at that point in my life been worth it.

 

So my answer to the question “do I believe I could change it” was yes, I believed I had it within me, but the effort required to do so was not something I was interested in doing at that time.

 

Later in my life I questioned whether they were all just excuses and cover-ups and whether I was being lazy but no, on reflection, that’s how I genuinely felt. That was true for me. And I have my coach and the process to thank for that.

 

I did make other changes to improve my health – regularly going to the gym or doing other types of exercise, making better food choices. Choices that didn’t impact the things I valued more highly than weight loss at that time. Actually right now I’m in week 2 of my partner Damien’s 28 day challenge. He’s a weight loss and performance coach. My mum commented today “those jeans look bigger on you, you must be feeling good” implying that I’d lost weight. I pondered it for a moment and replied with “thank you and it’s curious, I feel good for having self-control. The self-discipline to say no, instead of eat what I want when I want. I don’t look at myself and think “I need to lose weight” or “I’m fat”. I’m not unhappy with how I look and I’m not kidding myself into thinking I look like Miranda Kerr but the pride comes from portion control, stopping the snacking and not binging after dinner. Even on healthy food”. After I said that I took a minute to realise just how far I’ve come with my health and my eating.

 

As we’ve covered in previous podcasts, our thoughts dictate our feelings, and we have 100% control over what we’re thinking at all times, as long as we’re aware of it.

Something every coach learns and to an extent, is conditioned to believe, is that we’re never presented with anything in our lies that we’re not equipped to deal with. Whether you believe this to be true or not, hear me out.

 

A client of mine was struggling to deal with her boss. Her boss was extremely dominant and at times abrasive - in person and via email (capital letters, bold text, all of that kind of thing).

 

 

I asked my client whether she believed she had the ability to change their working relationship. She was adamant that no, she couldn’t change it. As it was her boss’s fault and it sat outside of her control.

 

After exploring some of the behaviours she was demonstrating, and some of the behaviours her boss was demonstrating, we were able to bring to light that by sticking to “no this isn’t my fault and I have no control over this”, she was able to prevent feeling the discomfort of stepping up and opening up the dialogue and confronting her boss.  The attachment she had to “no it’s her, not me” meant she was able to continue doing her job, kind of palming off accountability for the state of their relationship, staying stuck and the powerlessness of the situation. It kept her, as she worded it, “safe”.

 

Ultimately this was squashing her. It was repressing her power. Which interestingly enough, was the reason she’d asked me to coach her in the first place – to step into and own her power. Funny, isn’t it?

 

So if you’re stuck somewhere in your life, please understand that you’re not broken. You don’t need fixing. You need a tune-up, a good dusting off and you’ll sound better than ever.

The key is to take the time and get the help if necessary, to understand the attachment you have to what’s currently going on for you, and why. Believe me, what’s happening in your life right now it’s giving you something and until you know what it’s giving you, you can’t get that thing you need in a resourceful way. It’s the old saying “it’s happening for you, not to you” and until you understand why, you’ll keep finding the situation you’re in – you might just move it.

 

For instance, how many of you have had a boss you don’t like, or a toxic team at work, only to move into a different organization and find the exact same scenario? Or you’ve had a partner who has done certain things that have driven you up the wall. You end that relationship, or they do, and you move onto another, only to find that that person behaves in the same way and annoys you just as much. We will continue to take our problems into new environments until they’re resolved. The problem we have is what needs addressing, not the part of the problem outside of our control. Is what you’re focusing on, really the problem?

 

Coming back to our beliefs and what we perceive, I want you to consider this. Overall, does it serve us better in our daily lives to believe that we have what we need, or does it serve us better to believe we’re deficient in some way, or we’re lacking, or we’re broken and need fixing?

 

 

I’ve always found having a passport the ultimate freedom. I always kept my passport valid because I loved the though and have always marveled in the fact that at any time, I could just go to the airport, buy a ticket and fly away. Anywhere I wanted. And start again.

Did I do that on a whim? Never. But could I? Yes. And the “could” is where the power lies. This is the power of choosing to believe that you have the capability, versus choosing to believe that you don’t. It’s freeing and opens up so many more neurological pathways, than believing you have no options and that you’re stuck.

 

I’m sure you’ve heard, a long time ago as a child or more recently (like yesterday) if you have children and they’re anything like my son, the story of the Little Engine That Could.

 

To summarise the story, there is a broken down locomotive that needs to take supplies over a high mountain, down to the village on the otherside. The people in the village are relying on the contents that this locomotive is carting – food, toys, and other supplies. Several trains go past this locomotive and refuse to help. They see it as an inconvenience or come up with many excuses as to why they cannot help pull this locomotive over the mountain. The locomotive is feeling dejected, feeling that there’s no hope, nobody will help.

 

Eventually, a small engine appears and despite being doubtful they’ll be able to pull the locomotive over the mountain – as the locomotive is much bigger and the hill to climb very steep, this small engines decides to try. To just give it a go.

 

As the small engine is climbing up and up, it’s chanting to itself “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”. Sure enough, with the will, effort and encouragement, the little engine is able to pull the big locomotive over the hill so the village people get all their supplies.

 

Notice that the chant wasn’t “I know I can, I know I can, I know I can” because that wouldn’t have been true for the Little Engine. And it also wasn’t ”I can’t, I can’t, I can’t” because who would even try if they truly believed it would be hard?

 

There are so many points to cover in relation to this podcast – comfort zone, what we’re choosing to focus on, our limiting beliefs, all of which I will cover but to sum up, do you WANT a change? Start there. Eventually, you’ll be able to ask yourself what you want instead.

 

We can want something so vastly different from how things are right now, that the leap, A to B, feels impossibly huge. It can feel daunting and scary and literally impossible. I promise you, it’s not, it’s just the way you’re viewing it right now.

 

Instead of “I know I can, I know I can, I know I can”, start with “maybe”. Maybe I could. Maybe I could give that a try. Judge what you tell yourself based on a feeling. If you give yourself a statement like “I’m worth $100k” or “I’m 55kg” or “I’m excited” or “I’m going to build this relationship starting today” or “I’m getting in the gym” and it feels TERRIBLE, or daunting, or unknown, or scary, then stop. Dull it down. “I maybe worth $100k”, or “I wonder what 55kg feels like” or “I’ll try and feel excited” or “I’m just going to smile at this person today and see how it goes”… Open it up. Give it more space.

 

If that FEELS better, do that. Our thoughts dictate our feelings, our feelings dicate our behaviour.

 

 

Remember that feelings are just that. Vibrations in the body. Nothing more, nothing less. If you think about what you really want, or worse, taking action to get what you really want, does it feel like the floor is about to fall out from underneath you? Just pay attention. Stick with it and remind yourself that you’re safe, and that there’s nothing you’ve committed to here. They’re just thoughts. We’re just playing.

 

If you’re driving a car right now or if you’re somewhere where you need to concentrate, please pause this recording and commence when you are somewhere where you can be still.

 

If you choose to continue listening, please be mindful that what’s about to follow may cause you to relax, or even drift into a meditative state.

 

Imagine you’re on the waters’ edge. You maybe on the foreshore, on a boat, on a jetty, on a paddleboard. The water is immense. You absorb the lapping water, the repetitiveness of the swell, the movement of the water and the dancing patterns along the the surface.

You can feel the breeze against your skin, it gently whistles in your ear and you can tune into your breathing. You feel your lungs expand and contract. You feel the air come in and out, down the back of your throat, into your stomach. You feel your chest rise and fall, your stomach expand and contract and you slowly start to relax.

 

You hear the sound of birds chirping happily, the sun warms your skin and you feel calm, at ease, peaceful.

 

You consider for a moment your life right right now, knowing that it’s ok, it’s temporary. What’s not working? What’s underwhelming? How did you get there?

 

Allow any feelings to surface, just paying attention to where in the body they appear. What are they telling you? How are they affecting you.

 

Now take a deep breath, and remember a time when you were fearful of doing something right before you did it. You wanted to achieve something didn’t you? But getting it done wasn’t easy. But the outcome was worth going through the discomfort, wasn’t it? It may’ve been sky diving, it may’ve been going to a pottery class. Making a new group of friends… Asking somebody out… It may have been quitting your job, interviewing for a job, sitting an exam, performing, running a keynote or presenting. Whatever it may have been is perfect, just go with whatever comes up for you.

 

 

Take a deep breath and go back there now in your minds-eye. See what you saw, hear what you heard, really feel the feelings you were having, right before you stepped in.

 

Where do you feel the fear? Go there in your body now, feel that. Feel the weight of it, feel the movement of it, feel the edges – where are they? Observe, take notes and disrupt the fear.

 

Now I want you to shift to a different part of this same experience. The part when it’s over. You’ve done it. You realise it’s complete and that you actually did it! How does it feel now? Remember how you felt. Go back in your minds eye and hear what you heard, see what you saw and really feel all the feelings that conquering your fear gave you.

 

Can you name them? Can you list them? Can you find them in your body? 

 

How long has it been since you felt that way? You know what it feels like, to achieve something and overcome your fear and discomfort. You’ve been there before. You know that what you want is worth it now, to feel that again, to be triumphant and elated and confident on the other side.

 

What feelings did it require from you to take action? What are the bridging feelings? The ones in between the fear and discomfort, to the triumph and elation?

Is it courage? Is it anger? What is it for you?

 

When are you going to choose to give yourself this gift again? The gift of action, the gift you and you alone hold because overcoming your fear is something nobody can ever take away from you. It’s the ultimate growth and expansion of who you are, of your life and your contribution. So when?

 

As you pay attention to the feelings buzzing around your body right now, take in a deep deep breath. Let yourself feel that inhilation go down the back of your throat, down into the pit of your stomach, rising and filling you up. Release the breath, sigh, let it go. As you take another, energizing breath in, let that oxygen flow throughout your entire body. Feel the tingles, feel the energy, feel the gift as you learn to trust yourself once more and let the oxygen support you.

 

With one more deep energizing breath, bring your awareness to your heart. Fill it expand and when you’re ready, open your eyes. Welcome back.

 

How do you feel? If you have a pen and paper handy, pause this and take a minute to write what you experienced. Write whatever you need to – whatever you need to is perfect for you.

 

How do you feel? How does your head feel? How about your heart?

 

This is the gift a coach can give you. With trance work, meditative work, hypnosis and other modalities, you have an opportunity for self-exploration and to discover new or dormant parts of yourself.

 

Let yourself soar. Remove the shackles, listen to your soul and what it’s telling you you want and simply make a plan to expand and achieve.

 

Your possibilities are endless. You are already worthy and enough. You already have everything within you and that you need, to have all you want. Have a wonderful week my friends, we’ll talk to you soon.

 

 

Hey! Before you go, I always find reviews really helpful when looking for new information or insights…

 

I you’ve found this podcast valuable, please take a minute to write a quick review about what you’ve found most beneficial for you, so other people can benefit from your insights, and listen in too. I would LOVE that!

Also, if there are any topics you’d like me to cover specifically about life coaching or the life coaching industry, visit rhiannonbush.com to contact me. Thanks for joining and I’ll see you in the next episode of Do I Need A Life Coach?!

 

Please note, this transcription may not be exact.